Baby Steps

Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Father's Perspective

I thought that I would take a stab at this blogging phenomenon that has gripped Annie. It seems to help her cope with some of the pregnancy issues, and through this blog we have learned that it is helping others with their own situations. I often get the feeling that men are left out of the pregnancy, but I think it is important, especially in a high risk situation, that I share my thoughts so that they may one day help another expectant father.

It is amazing to see how God works in the normal circumstances of our everyday lives without us knowing. It takes a self reflection to start to see how God puts things in their place. From the moment I stood staring at the empty window of the test strip, I had changed. 
Getting ready for Christmas; only taking the test to be sure Annie can have a beer at dinner; it is too early for a kid; there's a plus sign; wait, what does the plus sign mean?; box says pregnant; curse word; Annie, you're pregnant; I'm not lying; nervous, fear, joy, angst, thankful; I swear I'm not lying, stop hitting me; tears - why is she crying? why am I crying?; who do we tell?; so many questions; Best Christmas Ever.

Three months of sickness, all day, every day. I have been to every doctor's appointment, I don't want to miss anything. Annie assures me that the next one is just for measurement, and it will be okay to travel. She calls to tell me that she saw the baby on ultrasound for the first time and I wasn't there. The realization hits me that this will only be the first of many missed memories.

At this point we have settled into the idea of parenthood. We go to the doctor and find out that I am having a daughter! But, everything is not now know the rest of the story.

Uncertainty becomes the hardest thing, until you find out more. 
This is where God stepped in. Neither Annie nor I have been as focused on God as we should be at this point. We had been going to church for 6 months or so and I was going on a mission trip to Honduras, but it was more like we obeyed God in the places that it was easiest. When we heard that Pi probably had Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum, it was the day before we both left on our respective trips. The thought entered both of our minds to cancel the trip, but God was asking us to not. Don't ask me how I know, but this decision to leave my wife in such a vulnerable position was tough. God ended up blessing us immensely. He gave us both exactly what we needed. Annie was able to spend time with my family - crying, hugging, and being around love - I was able to heal with my own best medicine - laughter. Since this time, God has given us such a peace about the situation. He is teaching us that no matter what, we will be blessed by this child. 
There are less than 6 weeks left until I meet my baby girl. Everyone has their own advice, wisdom, thoughts on raising children, but I am beginning to realize that no one does it the same way. So why listen to them? I have a lot to learn, but I think this learning will take place between the three of us.

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