I have struggled for days on what to write about for this post. I have gone back and forth on whether or not I should just write a happy post or a truthful post. I finally decided to combine the two.
Birthday's are a huge celebration and should be a very happy day with lots of fun and love from people who care about you. We are celebrating Piper's birthday 3 times this week so I think we have that part covered. We are very excited and are celebrating her birthday but also celebrating that we have made it this far. It's a bittersweet day for me.
I made the mistake of reading all of my blog posts yesterday which brought back so many emotions. One of the hardest posts to read was the one I wrote a couple days after she was born. I was so happy,positive and hopeful in that post. We really thought everything was going to be okay. I had no idea how drastically our lives would change in just a few months. The reason I read the posts is because I thought it would help me see how much a I have grown over the past year. What it made me realize is I am not happy, hopeful and positive like I used to be. Not saying I don't have those feelings, they are just extremely different than they used to be. I have been conditioned to not be overly happy or overly sad...I guess it's my defense mechanism against the stress.
The other reason I took a trip down memory lane is to see how much she has grown and changed. This was also a little bittersweet too. She has definitely grown, and by that I mean physically. She is huge! She has gone from a tiny adorable baby into such a beautiful little girl. On the other side of this her development has not grown much. We all know that she may never meet those milestones we want her to and we have learned to accept that. It's something we all deal with and try to not let it upset us too much. It's just so hard to know an entire year has gone by and how long it has taken for her to do things a typical child would learn in a week. It's heartbreaking. To know that I have spent the past year just trying to teach her how to play seems crazy. I guess this really opened my eyes to how fast time flies but in her world most days time stands still.
This year has changed us so much. Some of the changes have made us much better people but some have really affected us in negative ways. Piper has made an impact in the hearts of many people in just a year. She has taught us unconditional love. She has taught us how to fight and defend our baby girl. She has taught us how to be even more educated, persistent, and stubborn. This experience has also made us feel hopeless, angry, bitter, disappointed and lost many times. They say the first year is the hardest. I think the first year is the hardest because it takes that long to be able to learn how to live your new life.
This year has been an enormous challenge. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love this girl more than anything. We have no clue what the future holds for Piper but we thank God that he has allowed us to be her parents. She is amazing and even though it's so hard most of the time she is worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIPER!!!!!